Are you a servant, a child, or a friend?

Not that these are mutually exclusive, but these are the three main metaphors that I have encountered to characterize our relationship with God. In this piece, I intend to argue that the best one is to be is a friend of God.

First, there is nothing wrong with having a servant’s heart. Paul tells us that Jesus, finding himself in human form, humbled himself by being obedient even the point of death on the cross (Philippians 2:8). It is wise way to live. 5 verses earlier Paul tells us to esteem others as higher than ourselves. We should live this way.

But the danger in seeing yourself as a servant is that you may come to see your value as utilitarian. That is, that you only have value to God as long as you are useful. A servant’s relationship to his master works this way. If he doesn’t work, he doesn’t stay in the relationship. In fact, even if he does work, his value in the eyes of his master is judged according to the value and/or volume of his work. This is not your relationship with God.

Consider the story of the prodigal son. He had, I think, the right attitude when he returned home. He would offer himself to his father as a servant. Considering the way he left and what he did while he was gone, this is probably how he should feel. But his father wouldn’t hear of it. Your children are always your children, especially when they don’t behave.

Have a servant’s heart, but you are not a servant. You are a child of God. Children have an inheritance. Children have a permanent place. The relationship with the Father is one of love, and it cannot be removed. Your behavior is not a factor in determining your status or His love. It is better and truer to understand your position with God this way.

The son in the story who didn’t leave is the one who makes this mistake. He sees his value as based on his own faithfulness and hard work. He is perhaps the bigger disappointment to the Father. It’s basically like saying, “I don’t really love you. I just want something from you.”

My daughter used to come up to me and with the sweetest voice would tell me that she loves me, and I would respond, “Ok, what do you want?” It was a little game we played, but imagine if she really did say she loved me because she wanted something. How disappointing.

Is that what you want your relationship with God to be like? Are you trying to earn his favor? Are you loving Him because it’s required, you’re supposed to, or that’s how you get blessings? Imagine how you would feel if that’s really what your children wanted.

As children of God, we listen to our Father. Why? We love Him. We trust Him. We believe that he knows best.

But there is a deeper, more mature relationship beyond obedience.

Jesus says, “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:5).

Friends. That’s what he called them. A friend is something different. In its simplest expression, a friend is someone who agrees with you. Friendship “love” is phileo in the Greek. I remember reading in the book, The Four Loves, by C. S. Lewis, he describes agape as a one way love that gives without expecting in return. Eros is a “face to face” love, and phileo as side by side. In Eros the lovers look at each other. The love is about the relationship. However, in phileo the friends are looking at the same thing. Their love is bound up in how they are of the same mind.

Friends are joined together by their common interests. They see things the same way. I am arguing that this is, if not the ultimate goal, the next step in our relationship with God. We can and should come to the place where we agree with him and act out of our agreement. A child still does what he is told, whether he agrees or not. That is obedience. A friend acts because he is on the same page.

Imagine if you had a sense that God wanted you to do something and you realized you were thinking the same thing. Imagine if you acted upon an instinct that you knew was in line with God’s heart. This is what I want.

Last year, I had a colleague who thanked me for being patient with one of his students as they struggled to pass my class. I could have been tough on the student for not turning in work, but that’s not how I work. In that conversation, I sensed God telling me to use the word “grace.” In my heart, I thought, “That sound like a great idea.” So, I did. I said, “You know, I know we sometimes need to be hard on them to hold them accountable, but sometimes what they really need is grace.” And the conversation went on.

The next day, the colleague came up to me and said, “I thought about what you said about grace yesterday. It really got me thinking. I’m really starting to rethink how I approach these kids.” I’m not sure what makes me happier, that God was able to use me, or that I didn’t have to ask twice. Anytime I feel that I am in agreement with Him, it lets me know that it’s working. He is changing me.

The other example that comes to mind was a day that I was having the librarian do presentations to my classes. Between classes, she did a quick trip through the library to pick up trash when she found a $5 bill. Her in initial reaction was, “Cool, five bucks!” Without thinking, I said, “How sad. That could be someone’s lunch money.” I think she immediately felt guilty, which made me feel bad because that wasn’t my intent. But I realized that my first response was one of compassion for the kid. The significance is that this represents a change for me over time. I am instinctively seeing things in terms of the effect on others without regard to self.

Why are these moments important to me? I believe they show that my relationship with God is changing me. I am (ever so gradually) becoming like him. I am coming into agreement with him.  Check out verses like Romans 8:29, or 1 John 2:6 and many others. I think this is what they are talking about. I want to be like him naturally, instinctively, because he has made me that way.

I believe this is the next step in the maturing process for a believer. I want to be considered His friend.