There is nothing wrong with being right. In fact, everyone ought to always think they are right. You ought to live according to what you believe to be right until you are proven otherwise, and then you should live according to that right. Being right is not the problem; the problem is in assuming that being right is the ultimate good. Being right is NOT the ultimate good.
If being right is your ultimate good to you, it is because your self-worth is tied to it. To put it another way, your justification comes from being right. Any challenge to your position on an issue, is by its very nature a personal attack, because it undermines your security, your sense of self.
This can more dangerously apply on a religious level where you believe your justification before God is based on being right, having the right doctrine, displaying the right behavior. This belief undermines your sense security in your own salvation.
When you make being right the ultimate good, you create an idol of it; it becomes your god.
Therefore you live in service to the rightness of your position. You must defend it at all cost. It automatically divides you from others who disagree. The end result is pride and self- righteousness. See, if you are right, then I must be wrong, and if I am wrong, then you are better than I am. You, then, have the right to judge me, and perhaps even to punish me. The wrong must be converted, or cast out. In fact, You must judge and correct me. You cannot leave me in my error; my “salvation” depends on it, right?
One example of the problem would be political correctness. Nothing against being sensitive to what might offend others, but the extreme of political correctness comes with an air of disdain. Those who misspeak are not gently corrected; they are held up to public shame in an attempt to bring them to heel to the “right” way of speaking, or thinking. The individual who does not speak “right” is deemed unacceptable.
But this applies to any situation. If you are seriously considering what I‘ve said so far, look at any area of your life: politics, work, family. Why is it so important to be right?
Consider marriage. How long do you think my marriage would last if every time I was right, I insisted that my wife acknowledge that I am right. Anyone in a relationship can think of a time when they knew they were right about something and could not get the other person to admit it. But a marriage does not depend on a strict adherence to truth in all its forms. There are other things that are more important.
In a marriage specifically, you learn when to let it go. If you haven’t learned that; you should. There’s a concept called, “making the perfect the enemy of the good.” I see couples fight in this way all too often. They squabble over minor matters as though they are willing to sacrifice the entire relationship if they don’t get their way about squeezing the toothpaste in the middle. If this is you, step back and look at the relationship as a whole. If it is a good relationship on the whole, you should let this one go.
But so far, this has been predicated on the assumption that you are right. But what if you’re actually wrong? Never mind that damage that occurs when your insistence on being right is out of proportion with the importance of the issue. Imagine the damage that occurs when you are knowingly or unknowingly defending a position that is actually wrong.
The energy you must expend in order to avoid admitting that you were wrong is debilitating. But you can’t admit you were wrong; that undermines your place in the hierarchy. It is humiliating. If you don't know you are wrong, your insistence undermines your credibility. Imagine how you look to those who know better. Will the ever listen to you again? Or imagine the damage done to those who fall under your sway. Be right, or be humble. Be both.
But the bottom line is the ultimate good is not being right. The ultimate good is love.
Tune in next week to find out the difference.
